Lessons from my Holiday Cleanse

For two weeks over these past holidays, I did a food cleanse. What this meant was that, while my family was eating fondue, the best pizza in the whole world (Papa Del’s), pierogies (my favorite food in the whole world) and polish sausage, I was eating vegetable soup. While they were eating truffles, cookies, pie and cake balls over a glass of chilled wine, I was sipping a chalky nutrient shake.

I learned some interesting lessons, some new, some re-learned, that I would like to share with you:

1. Food temptations are all bark and no bite.
When a new delectable food came my way, I would drool over it for 10 seconds. And then the craving would subside. 10 seconds. That was it. It is hilarious to me how many times in the past I have caved in during those 10 seconds. It used to go a little like this:

At 0 seconds: “Mmmm, that smells good. I shouldn’t eat it, though. Too many calories.”

At 2 seconds: “But, oh man, I want it.”

At 4 seconds: “This is so annoying. Can’t a girl have any fun?”

At 6 seconds: “Life without this yummy goody is soooo bleak.”

At 8 seconds: “Ok, I’ll have just a little taste. I’ll be good tomorrow.”

And yet, I found that if I just held the fort for the full 10 seconds, the urge to eat the goody would fade and my mind would move on. This is good news, folks. A simple “count to 10″ rule can work wonders.

2. Fruit is delicious.
The rest of the world may already know this, but I discovered that fruit is pretty darn tasty. I used to be too busy eating the over-the-top, sugary stuff to even notice. Compared to the rollercoaster of processed sugar, fruit used to taste pretty boring to me. But take out the processed sugar, give your tastebuds a day to recalibrate and boom! Fruit.

3. We are not hunter-gatherers anymore: It’s time to stop obsessing about food.
My food plan during my cleanse was quite simple and straight-forward, so I wasn’t thinking and deciding about what I would eat. In the mental silence that ensued, I realized how much time I truly spend thinking about food. It’s like I sometimes have my own little food network streaming in my head about what sounds good to eat, what I should and shouldn’t eat, what I can justify eating, etc. Whether I end up eating the food in question or not, the point is that I have been known to spend a good deal of mental real-estate mulling over food. I guess I could see how this would be a good idea if we were still living in the pre-historic times of the hunters and gatherers and really did have to spend a lot of effort finding our next meal. I owe my ancient ancestors a big “thank you” for how much they did focus on food, but those days are over. Grocery stores are here to free up our time so that we can focus on other life pursuits, not the same old hunter-gatherer food obsessions.

4. Eating well makes you even-keeled.
When I ate simple, unprocessed, clean foods, I felt much more calm and present. No high moods, no low moods. Just peaceful. I remember days in the past when I would eat a bunch of junk at work, go on an emotional rollercoaster and then come home and have to meditate to calm myself down. I could have skipped both the rollercoaster and the meditating and still gotten my calm. I do like meditating, though.

Those lessons were my Christmas presents. Now that I am back off the cleanse and into the “normal world” of eating, I won’t ever look at my relationship to eating the same again. I am giving up sweets and glutenous breads and pastas. I am eating one piece of fruit per day. And I am starting my day with a chalky nutrient shake. Some things are worth making a habit of.

So, what new eating habits will you be cultivating for yourself in 2012?

A blog by Dr. Samantha Sutton, VP of Courses and Seminars and Senior Coach at the Handel Group

Reprinted by The Daily Love

Image courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/orinrobertjohn/

Care to Care

A friend of a friend of mine once called Zappos.com, the internet shoe and clothing store, and asked to order a pizza. After a pause on the other end of the line, the sales associate responded “what kind of pizza are you looking for?” The friend described the pizza he was craving and the associate, after a few more questions, googled local pizza places, called one and connected the friend with a restaurant. He had successfully ordered a pizza through Zappos.com.

If you had been that sales associate, how would you have responded? Most of us would likely have said, “Uh, we don’t sell pizzas. We sell shoes,” and went on our merry way surfing the web or whatever it was we were doing, until the next call came in.

How truly extraordinary of that sales associate that she didn’t. How truly caring.

If there is one gift I would wish for every reader of this blog this year, it would be the gift of being caring. I am not talking about the big gestures of philanthropic donations, or cleverly executed gift ideas, although those are great, too. I am talking about walking around in your daily life caring about the people who cross your path. How they are doing, what they need, how you can make their day just a little bit better. Asking someone who looks lost if they need help, telling one of your coworkers something you admire about them, asking the cashier if she has fun holiday plans in the works. Go outside of the “job description” of your daily life and just plain-out care about the people in front of you.

Why is caring so important, aside from that it scored the friend his pizza? Caring means that you connect with other people. If there is one thing that I have found in my work as a coach, it is that connection brings happiness. Period. It really is that simple. The more connected you feel with the people around you, the happier you become; in order to connect, you must care.

Let’s face it, folks, we all know this is true. It has become so trite that writing a blog post about caring seems almost hum-drum. I say “almost” because the truth is, for as much as we acknowledge the importance of caring, we certainly don’t act on it as much as we could. “It’s not my responsibility to order that pizza!” So, consider this blog to be your better self reminding you to pull your focus off your own life and concerns and care more about those around you.

I challenge you to spend even one day doing five spontaneous caring acts and see how you feel. I’ll bet you that you will want to adopt this as a regular practice.

Let me leave you with one final story, from a business professor of mine at MIT, about how he factors in caring when choosing employees for his start-ups. Before the interview, he lays a piece of “junk” paper on the ground and then, during the interview, walks the candidate by the piece of paper. If the candidate stops to pick up the paper and put it in the recycling bin, they’ve made the first cut. It doesn’t take credentials, experience or expensive education to pick up that piece of paper; it takes caring. Cultivating caring will help us with people and in our career aspirations.

Where could you be more caring in your daily life? How do you think you will feel? Write a comment and help support your fellow care-ers. Bah-humbugs are welcomed, too!

Reprinted from The Daily Love

A blog by Dr. Samantha Sutton, VP and Senior Life Coach at the Handel Group.

Image courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/redefinity

Setting intentions for 2012

Me as Santa Claus at my family Christmas party.

Wow, what a year 2011 has been. I started 2011 engaged, living in Providence, and feeling a bit numb. I ended 2011 back on the dating scene, living in Manhattan, and feeling more alive than ever before. I found my heart, my spiritual connection to the world, and my dream Manhattan apartment. I spent the year in a body I was proud of, surrounded by a community of kindred spirits who I love, and walking a dog who finally learned how to tolerate other dogs and small children. I even got to play Santa Claus at my extended family Christmas this year.

A few minutes ago, my friend Apu told me that, numerologically, 2012 is supposed to be “my” year. All I can say to that is, if 2011 was not “my” year, then I can’t wait to see what a “my” year truly looks like. Holy cow. I can’t even fathom it.

And so I am busy setting my intentions for 2012. They are not quite finished yet, but I want to share with you one of my favorite ways to set intentions for a new year. Most people churn off a list of things they want to accomplish in the upcoming year as if they were making a grocery list: take vitamins, travel more, be more confident at work, tell my husband I love him more often, lose 10 lbs. You know the story. Instead, I prefer to set intentions for who I am going to be in the upcoming year. What does the “me” look like that I would be proud to be in this coming year? I going to be her. In Handel lingo, we call this an “I AM” statement. Here is my I AM statement for 2011:

I hear my heart deeply and fully

I release control and celebrate all that is

I experience all of it

I am inspired by how I live and what I teach

I speak the clear truth

I am a wizard of time with impeccable integrity

I am joyful

I create heroes

I am a vibrant executive

I am a voice of wisdom

I am a charismatic, strong and confident leader

I am grateful for my failures, because that is how I learn

I am creative

I savor my bosom buddies

I have a continual experience of something bigger

How did it feel to read it? Let me tell you, even though I have shared this with many people over the year, it still scares me a little to put it out there. So welcome to Samantha. What is so astounding to me about this I AM is that, when I first wrote it, I was batting about 30% on it. And now, at the end of the year, I would say I am in the 90s. Not perfect, but I can honestly say that my life resembles my I am resembles my life. Oftentimes, just setting the intention of who you want to be is half of the battle.

Who are you going to be in 2012? Think of the possibilities.

Happy New Year, everyone.

Samantha

A Cleansing Christmas for me this year

Over this holiday vacation, I am doing a cleanse. Yes, you heard me correctly: a two-week nutritional plan in which I eat no dairy, gluten, sugar, soy, alcohol, caffeine, or nightshades (read: tomatoes). In other words, I will be abstaining from all of the yummy cheese dips, fudge balls, New Years Eve toasts, and the best pizza on the planet, which happens to hail from my hometown of Urbana-Champaign, Illinois.

Why in the world would someone choose such agony? A cleanse is bad enough at any time of the year, but during one of the ones with the best eats on tap? Aside from the fact that I’ve had the kit for 6 months, and it’s getting embarrassing that I haven’t done it yet, I chose the holidays for several reasons:

1. I use food as a distraction.

To me, food is a convenient replacement for dealing with just about any situation. Feeling bored? Eat. Mad at someone? Eat. Feeling socially awkward? Eat. Heck, happy with my life? Let’s celebrate and eat! So what ends up happening is that I get very present to my palate, and very much not present to the people and experiences going on around me. And that’s not what the holidays are about.

2. My body usually feels crappy during the holidays, come to think of it.

After an hour of gluttonous bliss, my body typically falls into a bloated, cranky, antsy, flabby coma. Is it really worth it? And if the eating continues, my body doesn’t emerge from said coma until I get on that plane ride back home. When I wonder if I should have booked two seats for myself instead of one. Is that really how I want to spend my holidays?

3. I can share my body bliss with some of my dearest people.

Supposedly, this cleanse makes you feel really good (after the first few days, in which you are constantly hungry and craving anything but the cleanse foods). Who better to share blissed-out Samantha with than some of my nearest and dearest friends and family? Would I rather give them flabby, cranky Samantha?

4. I am choosy about where I spend my calories.

I adore Manhattan dining. I adore my social life, which often revolves around dinners and drinks and coffees. So if I had to pick where to spend my caloric buck, it would be on that life, and not on the Christmas binges, no matter how good they are.

5. What a great way to start off a new year.

It’s going to be quite a journey to stick with this ascetic eating plan, no doubt… solely because of the bands of waring thoughts that will wage battles in my head, at least for the first few days. But I will beat back the barbarians and prove to myself that “yes I can” and feel so darn proud and happy with myself… and it is in that mental space that I will ring in 2012. I can’t think of a better way to ring in the New Year, aside from in the arms of some gorgeous, witty gentleman… but why not have both? The cleanse allows such things.

So cheer me on for my Christmas cleanse. It’s going to be an interesting adventure, and one thing I suspect is that I will emerge from the experience feeling more present, happy with my body and myself, and connected to those around me. Stay tuned :)

Happy Holidays, everyone.

Samantha

A blog by Dr. Samantha Sutton, VP and Senior Coach at the Handel Group

Image courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/elycefeliz/

TEDx interview with Lauren Zander, founder of The Handel Group

My friend and co-founder of the Handel Group, Lauren Zander, recently spoke at the TEDx Amsterdam Women conference. Here is some footage of an interview with Lauren before her talk. Makes me smile.

 

The Clues are all there

“I know I need to make a change, but I just don’t know what I want to change to.”

This is one of the most common pickles my clients bring to me. They know that the status quo isn’t working, but they are mystified as to what will really make them happy. In this era of personality profiles and deep introspection, it’s easy to think that we need to do some serious detective work to figure out what makes us happy, and what we’re good at doing. But I’m here today to tell you that the clues really are all around us, if we just open our eyes.

A few years ago, I made a huge life shift by leaving biological engineering and becoming a life coach. Like my clients, I used to tell the story as if the realization that I should become a life coach took a ton of digging and introspection as I journeyed into the hidden recesses of my consciousness. Sounds like a sci-fi thriller, I know, but that’s how mystical and unforeseen the process felt to me.

Just this week, evidence has surfaced that blows holes in that story. I have been working from my parents’ house, while visiting them, and my mom asked me to clean out the old stuff in my bedroom. What awaited me was about two decades of poems and essays from English class, programs from theatre and band performances, and napkins and other bric-a-brac from supposedly memorable experiences that I no longer remember. In performing this archeological dig into the past life of Samantha, guess what I learned: teenage Samantha had “life coach” written all over her.

Read more

A blog by Dr. Samantha Sutton, VP of Courses and Seminars and Senior Coach at the Handel Group

Image courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/etringita

Pour on the Awesome Sauce in your relationship

Do you know a couple, let’s call them Jack and Jill, who just seem so in love that every time you are around them, you find yourself wanting what they have? There is something about how Jack looks at Jill, or how Jill talks about Jack, that is just so intoxicating that you find yourself joining in the joy of their relationship. Most of us have experienced this relationship-awe. And then we will likely start to justify why we don’t and can’t have that level of love. Maybe you think you are married to the wrong person: “if I were married to Jack, then I would feel that in love.” Maybe you think that love like that will never happen to you because your parents were so messed up about love, or because you don’t look as hot as Jill. Maybe you think they must be faking it: “no one can be that happy.”

Well folks, I am here to tell you that there really is a Special Sauce to making a relationship delicious, and you, too, can chef it up. My friend and coaching colleague, Leslie, taught me the recipe last week, and now I’m going to share it with you.

Read more

A blog by Dr. Samantha Sutton, VP of Courses and Seminars and Senior coach at the Handel Group

Image courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/shanissinha_

What kind of book is your life?

“I just can’t seem to stop beating myself up.”
“I tend to attract unavailable men.”
“My conversations with my sister inevitably go south, because she is such a jerk.”
“Will I give in to the temptation to cheat on my wife?”

If you listen to how we talk, we sometimes sound as if we are characters in a novel, whose plot includes irrational behavior, bizarre magnetism, crazy people and insurmountable urges.

If your life were a book, what type of book would your life be? Is it a:

•  Vampire novel. Full of irresistibly attractive people, who are nonetheless toxic.

•  Tragedy. No matter what you try or how good your intentions, things always go badly for you in the end.

•  Chick Lit novel. Characterized by an abundance of shallow drama, wildly vacillating feelings, and unscrupulous behavior.

• Fantasy. You are utterly out of touch with reality, but heck, the world you live in is pretty nice.

Read more at The Daily Love

A blog by Dr. Samantha Sutton, Vice President of Courses and Seminars at the Handel Group

Image courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/brody

Want results? Start with your mind

If you ask people off the street what to do to have a great body, likely most will either say “exercise more” or “eat better.” Both are actions. Or if you were to ask those people how to find a life partner, most will reply, “try online dating” or “ask your friends who they know.” Again, more actions. We tend to think that if we are not getting the results we want in our lives, body, relationship or otherwise, then we are not taking the right actions.

But usually, the problem is that we are not thinking the right thoughts. Every action you take starts with a thought, after all. For example, this week I was behind on my email. Each time I opened my inbox, my thoughts went something like this:

“Why are there so many emails? Uggggghhh. I hate email. How did I get so behind? Pathetic. How will I ever get through them all? I don’t have enough time today. I’m like that Greek guy who keeps trying to roll a boulder up the hill, only to have it keep rolling back down. I will never be able to stay on top of this much email.”

And on and on.

My negative thoughts made me so miserable that I decided to take a break from email and focus on cleaning my desk instead. When the desk was clean, I decided to write a proposal. And when the proposal was done, I checked out a Glee video on YouTube. All to avoid the dreaded email.

See how my runaway thought train made it pretty darn hard for me to check my email? Not only did I need to find the time and the knowledge to answer the emails, but I also had to battle a slew of negative thoughts that made the process of checking my email quite miserable. To avoid that misery, I opted not to check my email at all.

Read more at The Daily Love

A blog by Dr. Samantha Sutton, VP of Courses and Seminars at the Handel Group

Image courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/jacockshaw

A guest post from Samantha’s mom

I have a rare treat for you, folks… a guest blog from one of my favorite people ever, my mother. This blog started off as an email to me, and what I think is so neat about the story she tells is that it illustrates one of the many, small awkward moments that we navigate in a given week. Times when something was a little off, and we decided to ignore it and hope it goes away because “it’s not that big of a deal,” instead of addressing the issue head on and resolving it. With small incidents, the consequences of not dealing with them are small… but resolving them can feel surprisingly good. Just ask my mother.

Without further ado:

Today I went to get my hair cut. I’m trying to let it grow out a little and went six weeks ago to someone new named Peter. I liked him and the way he styled my hair. When I tried to schedule a second appointment with him through the receptionist, to be held before we left for vacation, he was booked. At first I thought I could wait until we returned from vacation but decided it just was too shabby. I was on his waiting list but decided to book with some random person, Ann, at his studio just before we left. Peter didn’t know any of this.

When I went for my appointment, Ann and Peter were both working. Peter was washing his client’s hair at the same time that Ann was washing mine, and neither Peter nor I acknowledged the other. It felt awkward, because Peter didn’t know the whole story of why I chose Ann. I wondered if Peter would think that I didn’t like the cut he gave me last time, and so had chosen to go with Ann instead. Should I say something? What would I even say? Something like “Hey Peter, don’t worry, I really wanted this cut to be with you.” What if he didn’t even remember me? What about Ann? In the end, as I took my place in Ann’s seat, I choose not say anything but felt like I should have. When Ann asked how long it had been since my last haircut, I mentioned that I’d been to Peter but couldn’t get in with him. She answered that he was going to London soon on vacation, which is why he was hard to book.

When I went to pay, Peter and his client were there also. I felt awkward having not said anything before. What to do? I could continue to say nothing, leave the studio, and then pretend that nothing ever happened the time my next haircut was due. Could I even go back to Peter at that point? I probably couldn’t because it would just be too awkward. And what about Ann? This option seemed to get increasingly unfavorable the more I thought about it.

So I decided to say something, and then thought of the perfect thing. I said I heard he was going to London and hoped he had a good time, adding that that explained why I couldn’t get an appointment with him. He seemed really happy and smiled a big smile when I said that, complimenting the cut Ann had given me. Anyway, I felt good about what had happened. When Ann asked if I wanted to make another appointment, I mentioned that I had already booked an appointment with Peter for when I returned from my vacation, but needed to change it. I admitted I liked them both (which I do) and would like to go to either of them depending on who was available. “Of course,” she said and booked my next appointment with Peter. So now I have two to choose from, all because I got up my courage and spoke to Peter.

You can see this is one of those classic awkward moments, where you are not sure which is more awkward: to say nothing, or to say something. The answer, as illustrated by my mom, is usually to say something, because that is what opens the doors to better relationships. Enough un-resolved awkward moments will sabotage any relationship, and could have lost my mom a great hairdresser.

What awkward moments did you avoid recently?

A blog by Dr. Samantha Sutton, VP of Courses and Seminars at the Handel Group

Photo courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/ndemi/

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